One year ago today

A year ago we said good-bye to this lovely lady.

She was not rich or famous. She was a quiet keeper at home. She was always busy. She loved us all dearly but told us so by her actions not her words.

She was quick to dispense wisdom to us, even if we didn't want to hear it. :)

I still find myself wishing I could call her. Last month I went home for the first time since her funeral. I wanted to go to her house and visit, but I couldn't.

I take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain, that she is reunited with loved ones who went before her and someday I will see her again.

For Today-

For Today

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Looking out my window:

Two growing boys swinging and singing

I am thinking:

about finishing rearranging the items in my kitchen cabinets and how badly do I really want to be more organized?

I am thankful:

for being able to spend time with grandkids yesterday

One of my favorite things:

My "loopy" friends who live in my computer and my phone

I am wearing:

t-shirt and jean shorts, it's a cleaning day here, got to dress for hard work.

I am creating:

This week I am concentrating on creating a cleaner, more streamlined kitchen to make my life less frustrating and that I may more easily serve my family and friends.

I am reading:

From The Deliberate Agrarian

I am listening to:

From Read Aloud Revival

I am hoping:

for some time to relax a bit this afternoon (my goals are pretty small most days)

I am learning:

that life isn't always easy but most of the time it's about the choices we make.

In my kitchen:

I've been making Pulled Pork Runzas

In my schoolroom:

It's summer break so I'm working on cleaning out the books we are done with and getting ready for next years.

In my garden:

Our garden is struggling this year. It was just too cold, too late so things are getting a slow start. I hope to have some pictures soon.

My closing note:

We are busy this month and although school is out for us we try to find ways to keep structure in our days. My youngest boy has special needs and a life without structure creates a life of chaos for him and then for us. I am not a person who needs structure and I really don't like structure but I am learning the importance of structure for other people. This is where life takes us sometimes, following a path we did not choose because we want to help the ones we love. 

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by!

The Simple Womans Daybook

Pulled Pork Runzas

Some people might not be familiar with Runzas. Here in Nebraska there is a fast food chain that specializes in them. When I grew up we called them cabbage burgers, and some people call them bierocks. They usually have a filling of cabbage, onions and ground beef.

A few months ago I got a really good deal on pork shoulder roasts and stocked up. I cooked one and shredded it. We ate some and I froze the rest in quart bags that can be easily thawed for future meals.

One day I had a cabbage that needed used and thought I should make Runzas but realized I was out of ground beef. Then the thought occurred to me that I could use the shredded pork. These were the best Runzas I have ever had and will certainly be added to the menu list. The good thing is that I refrigerated the rest and they were great for lunch for a couple of days. My friend makes large batches of these and freezes them for her husband's lunch.

Here is my recipe which is really more of a mix it together and then season until it tastes good to you.

Runza filling:

1 cabbage, chopped

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

Mix all of the ingredients above and saute in a little bit of vegetable broth until everything is soft and cooked down a bit. Now is when you want to taste and see if it needs more seasoning. Some people add other spices but I prefer a basic taste.

Add 2 pounds of cooked meat. If you use the pulled pork, you will want to chop it pretty fine.

Mix well and let cool.

Make your favorite bread dough. I used my sister in laws dinner roll recipe and I will try to post that soon. Some people use the frozen bread dough.

Flatten out some bread dough to make a circle or rectangle. Add about 3/4 to 1 cup of filling then wrap it up and seal all the corners so it doesn't leak out. 

I baked it for about 25 minutes at 350.

NOTE: We served the pulled pork runzas with bbq sauce. Next time I may make a few with bbq sauce mixed into the filling. 

Options: 

Some people add cheese inside.

I made a vegan version with TVP cooked with the filling instead of the meat. No one noticed that it was not ground beef.

Papa spending quality time with some of the grandkids!

Thirty Five Years!

9 May 1981

I was barely 18 and he was still 17. We didn't have a professional photographer. We got married in my parent's home. We were a week away from our high school graduation. And we were expecting a baby.

We were scared, excited and had absolutely no idea what we were getting ourselves into. 

In July we lost the baby and for a moment wondered if we should have waited to get married. But we had made a commitment to each other and honestly couldn't imagine our lives without each other.

Through the years we've had our trials but our commitment to God and each other have held us steady.

I always thought if you'd been married for thirty five years then you must be old, but I really don't feel old. I feel tired some days and weary of the struggle of life but I am glad I'm where I am and not 18 again.

I have made many bad choices in my life, but agreeing to marry this guy was not one of them. It was probably the smartest thing I ever did! 

Expectation revisited

I never really realized how much I let expectations drive my life.

First, there were the expectations of how one should behave. Not that this is a bad thing, but if you're not careful you can be overwhelmed with trying to please others and stressing out if you think you don't meet other people's expectations. I spent a large portion of my life doing just this and never quite came up to the mark and was always sick due to stress.

Second, there are the expectations we set our hopes on and if it doesn't happen just like we think it should we are severely disappointed. I have a good example for this. In 2002 we were going to Chicago to our daughter's boot camp graduation. I was excited to go see her after 8 weeks of training and I was excited to go to Chicago because I had never been there and my mom always talked about her trips there as a child. So I had this big list of things I wanted to do, places to go, sites to see. In my mind this was going to be so fun. But it didn't work out that way. I won't give you all the gory details but I felt like crying all the way home because nothing had lived up to my expectations. And this was mostly my fault. I should have expected less and then the disappointment would have been easier to deal with.

I have always been a pretty optimistic person but sometimes that can really affect the way that I see life. It affects what I expect to get out of life, and it affects what I expect from my life. And the last few years have been incredibly disappointing. My expectations have controlled my emotions and how I see my life. I am 52 years old and haven't done hardly any of the things I wanted to do with my life. I haven't traveled. I haven't accomplished things I would like to. But the worst thing is that I let my disappointment about this get in the way of the life that I do have. It's so very easy to wallow in your grief over the life not lived and totally miss the life that is here, right now.

So that is why chose the word EXPECT as my word of the year.

Gossip told to teach a lesson is still GOSSIP!

I am struggling today. I lost quite a bit of sleep last night worrying over something that I shouldn't even have to worry about. Sigh...let me start with an explanation. My youngest son is developmentally delayed. He is almost 11 years old but has the mental capacity of a 4-5 year old. He is amazingly honest, in fact telling the truth is something he excels at even if he is brutally blunt. It is not uncommon for him to walk into a home and say, "Pee-ewsky, it stinks in here!" He doesn't realize he is being rude. The subtleties of being polite are lost on him. He thinks it; so he says it. Last year our neighbors divorced and dear Alex still comments on it every time he sees them. He doesn't mean to be rude or hurtful, he just doesn't understand. Most of the time I am able to contain the situation or give people a heads up so they don't take offense.
But then last week happened. Last week a person told my boys something about someone else from our church. I am assuming they were told this trying to teach them a lesson.At least I hope they weren't just gossiping for no reason.  But Alex has talked about it nonstop ever since. Now I am worried that he may bring this up to the family involved and I don't want that. First I don't want to hurt them because they have had enough hurt and are moving on. Second, I don't want them to think that I told my boys about this because I know firsthand what it's like to have your child's mistakes thrown back at you. Trust me, if you are ever tempted to judge parents on the decisions their children make, know that they have already judged themselves more than you ever will. Instead you could show them some grace. They could probably use it.
So now, I have to do three things.

•  I am left with having to talk to the family in question and let them know what happened so that if Alex mentions it to them they will be prepared.
• I have to explain to Alex that we don't talk about this because it is gossip and will hurt their feelings and then pray he forgets about it all together.
• And I have to talk to the person who started this entire situation in the first place. And I really don't do confrontations very well. 

These kinds of things really frustrate me. All of this could have been prevented if someone would have just stopped to think before they spoke. If nothing else it's a reminder to me to use my speech wisely and think about what I say.