For a long time I have had a specific dream. About twelve years ago I thought that dream might actually happen but God had other plans for me. Let me tell you, I did not accept the loss of the dream without wailing and gnashing of teeth. I continually reminded God that I had already made plenty of sacrifices and I didn't need to make this one. Honestly, I spent many hours in tears. I was angry at the circumstances that kept me from my dream and I was angry at God because I felt He hadn't kept his part of the bargain. And just like that, the dream was dead, and I had to find a way to reconcile my heart and trust that God had a better plan.
But deep in the recesses of my heart that dream has still had a little spot. I didn't think about it often but it is still there. And I have kept these pictures in my computer to give me a glimmer of hope.
It's not very hard to find these kinds of images and sayings. If you're in the direct marketing business as I am they are everywhere. And they are a good thing, something to keep you motivated but sometimes they can lead you away from the most important things in life. It's got to be a careful balance, making sure we don't neglect the things that God has entrusted to us, for me that would be my husband and my children. These have to be non-negotiable.
Motivational images and graphics shouldn't be taken as great wisdom or compared with scripture. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will make straight your paths." That is quite a bit different than what this sign says. Now I'm not saying this sign is wrong, I liked it enough to buy it and keep it in my office. What I am saying is that motivational quotes should not be our guiding light, the Word of God should be. I would think God wants us to dream big, to want to do great things through Him and for Him. The Bible says to seek wisdom and I am trying to do that.
So, this leads me up to my current dilemma. A few months ago the dream came back. The opportunity rose again. The time seemed right since I have a lot of free time on my hands now. My husband is 100% behind me, and people I have talked too seem to think it's a good dream so I started to get excited again. From a business standpoint, from a worldly standpoint it's a no-brainer, I should be moving forward, but...Oh Lord, why is there always a but? But...people I love may be put at risk and that scares me much more than my dreams do. I have wrestled with this for weeks, considering all the pros and cons and last weekend it became clear to me that this is not the time for this dream. Considering my age, this might be the end of my dream. I would be lying if I didn't say this was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make because it was my decision, not someone telling me I couldn't do it. These are the sacrifices we must make sometimes because the needs of others are more important. I am not a martyr, I am not a saint, I am just a mom who knows that my kids need me more than others need what I have to offer. There is a big difference this time, I am not angry at God or the circumstances. I have learned that God's plan is
Now, the big question is, where do I go from here? God and I are still working on that one. I'll let you know when I have an answer. ;)