Hebrews 12:1 says, "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."
Last week when I was at the Plexus event, (nope, still not a fitness post) one of the speakers talked about the way that we talk to ourselves. This got me to thinking about who I am, who I used to be, what happened to the old me....and how do I get her back. I'm not talking about the 20 year old mom who weighed 120 pounds a week after she had her baby, although I wouldn't mind that either. (smile) I am talking about the person who used to smile more, who used to laugh, who had hope about the future rather than being bogged down by the today. I started thinking about how I talk to myself and I realized that I really am not very nice to myself at all. I have told myself that I don't deserve things that I want. I have told myself that I am boring and nobody wants to be around me. I have told myself that if I truly love my family I will deny myself of everything for them. I have told myself that I can't do so many things that I have given up all hope and felt like life was just going to be this way forever.
Now, while it's true that we are to be unselfish and servants to our families, I don't think God wanted us to give up our dreams and aspirations because sometimes those dreams come from Him. And I don't think God finds us very godly when we become joyless just so that we can make someone else more comfortable.
So today I am deciding to lay down the weight of meeting other people's expectations. I am laying down the weight of self loathing and I am going to find the me that I use to like and find ways to feed her and help her back to a healthy person. I am hoping that if I can find her again then maybe I can also encourage others in my life to do the same. I am hoping to smile more, laugh more and love more.